I’m Happy and My Friends Can’t Stand it!

This blog came at the perfect time for me. I follow Gala’s blog daily and today this was written and I love it. It is such a wonderful reminder that girls are often rotten and will just try to bring you down. I wish it wasn’t this way, I’m sure we all do. But, it is how it is and we learn to adapt. It’s quite long but wonderful advise none the less.

Be a radical self-love warrior!

 

 

Dear Gala, 

Occasionally, I do really love myself. And it is wonderfully, deliriously enticing! But… It is so hard to stick to radical self-love, when other people are trying to bring you down!

Yeah, my body isn’t perfect, but deep down I love it. I love the imperfections, and my teeny tiny curves, because I think they fit me. I think I am the way I should be.

But then you enter “girl’s world”, and you try to talk to your friends, and they’re so full of judgement and hidden fears and their own issues, they just don’t want to hear you’re happy. I know that I should get rid of frenemies, and I did, but even my friends struggle with themselves, and sometimes I feel they just can’t bear to hear another girl is happy with herself.

Occasionally I almost feel ashamed of sometimes liking myself. Isn’t that crazy? I think what it comes down to is that we’re taught to be unhappy with ourselves by so many sources in our lives (esp. media) that it is hard to stick up to yourself and proclaim radical self-love!

 

This is so common. I think that speaking badly about ourselves is something that a lot of us bond over, not just women, but men too. Loathing can be very powerful. Not as powerful as love, but pretty powerful!

Plenty of people have friendships which were founded on mutual hatred of various things — loud eaters, for example, or slow people who take up the entire footpath, or babies, or themselves. It’s weird, but true. Hatred sticks people together like superglue.

Words have power. They affect us & the people around us. Talking shit about ourselves is infinitely harmful. It shapes a sad, negative view of who we are, which we then can’t help but expand upon, & it sends a loud, clear message to our friends & strangers alike. It lets potential romantic partners know that we don’t respect ourselves, & opens the door for people with less-than-honourable intentions, or who are messed up themselves. Even more than that, it shows other women that self-hatred is “normal” or acceptable or okay.

I’ve heard so many women say, “I never even knew it was possible to have something wrong with your (insert body part here) until I heard other women complaining about theirs!” Or you don’t realise your ears/nose/knees are supposedly imperfect until someone else makes fun of them. For example, I didn’t know my ears stuck out until some girl laughed at me on the school bus… & even these days, I won’t push my hair behind my ears! Some part of me is still that 6 year old girl, mortified by something outside of her control.

We hold onto these incidents & they form our identity. An event from our youth, viewed through the eyes of a child, can feel like a major trauma. As we get older, & gain more experience, we’re able to take things in stride… & yet some things which happened to us at a young age are just as fresh, just as devastating as they were 10, 20, even 30 years ago.

Now, about your friends. There’s a definite difference between a frenemy & a friend who happens to have her own self-esteem issues. A frenemy is either an enemy disguised as a friend, or a friend who is also your competitor & rival. A frenemy is someone who doesn’t want to see you succeed, do well or be happy. She is so damaged that she is incapable of wanting anything good for anyone other than herself. She doesn’t love herself, & that void sucks anything that is positive or joyful into it.

A lot of this stuff sprouts from the same place that causes women to compete with one another. We feel jealous & threatened & get all nutty. We think, Am I prettier than her? Is she going to steal my boyfriend/girlfriend? What if my best friend likes her more than me? What if she makes more money than I do? She’s happier than me & I HATE HER!

Part of radical self-love is about knowing & recognising that there is more than enough for everyone. There are enough opportunities for all of us. There is enough love for everyone to have a big, heaping slice with a dollop of whipped cream. There is enough! When your container (this is a term I borrowed from the Angry Therapist, who is awesome, but “sense of self” works just as well) is uncertain or cracked or not fully-formed, you worry about lack all the time. You’re convinced that there is a finite amount of luck, success or love. You think that if Jennifer has (seemingly) secured a whole lot of good stuff, then you’ll be getting less… Like Santa Claus doles it out at Christmas time or something. “No happiness for you! You’ve been a very bad girl!”

 

Hmm...

 
This is clearly nonsense!

Further to that, as much as we make our judgments & are convinced that we’re right all the time, you can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s life! You’re not all-seeing & all-knowing; none of us are. It’s just like in relationships: we all have our opinions on whether John is good enough for our best friend, or whether Sally is being faithful to Joan, but the old cliché is true, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. The same is true of other people’s lives.

The good news is this: I don’t think you’re surrounded by frenemies. Like you said, you got rid of them a while ago. (Congratulations are in order!) I simply think your existing circle of friends are a bit dissatisfied with themselves. I don’t think they want to destroy you, like a frenemy would. They probably just find it hard dealing with their own issues when they look at you & you seem to be in such a better place.

Most people walk around with a pretty massive deficit of self-love. It’s just not something we are taught — it’s usually something we have to figure out for ourselves. Some people learn it as they get older, after having made a lot of mistakes. Some people never learn it.

I believe that like attracts like. I have seen this principle prove itself over & over again within my own life, & the lives of my friends. For example, when I’m charming, good things happen to me. I get special treatment. When I go out of my way to help others, strangers do the same for me. When I choose to believe other people, trust them or have faith in them, 99% of the time it turns out wonderfully.

This is one way of saying that as you continue on your radical self-love journey & begin to vibrate at a higher frequency, you will naturally begin to attract people who are at that same frequency. Some of the friends you have now, who are struggling with your newfound happiness & the discovery of the bright pink heart you have burning within you, will flutter away from you, like autumn leaves from a tree. But maybe a few girls will be so inspired by you that they will begin to work on themselves.

I’ve been through my fair share of friend break-ups, so I know how painful & difficult that can be, but ultimately all the friendships that have disintegrated have turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it’s not until someone is no longer in your life that you realise how they were really affecting you. Sometimes those friendships shielded you from certain truths that you’re now free to explore.

Of course, this information doesn’t help you right now — it’s more like hopeful pieces for the future. What I would encourage is to continue being you & burning bright. The world is not served by you playing small or pretending to be less than you are. We are able to influence, encourage & inspire incredible acts of beauty & strength in other people simply by being ourselves. It is so important to keep that spark flickering in your heart, & not allow other people’s behaviour to dampen your spirit.

I know that you can do it. You are a radical self-love warrior of the highest order! Every morning, imagine painting your face with sparkly, neon pink stripes. Think of your boots as magical totems which kick away hatred, self-loathing or angst with every step. Pull on a sweater which smells like sweet sugar & which has accompanied you on so many adventures. Every day of your life sets a new standard. Every morning, you have a new chance to be your own role model; your own heroine; your own superhero.

You can only do this when you are brave about who you are. You can only grow your radical self-love journey when you face the truth about who you are head-on every day, when you refuse to shy away from your less wonderful traits or facets, & commit to working on them.

You are incredible. Your friends are learning so much just by being around you & witnessing your progress. You are doing the right thing. You are beautiful.

 

Super-love & leopard print,

 Thanks Gala Darling! You rock! You are an inspiration to many and I love you for how this piece made me feel today!!

Coffee… Yum

 

In case you haven’t noticed in previous posts I love coffee. More specifically a white chocolate mocha. But, I’m on a strict 1500 calorie diet and doing really well. So, no white chocolate mocha’s for me from here on out.

But, look at this adorable cup I found at TJ Max in Everett. I thought if I have a cute cup to drink it out of maybe drinking yucky drip coffee will be more appealing. Turns out, I was right! 🙂 Not sure if you can see it in the picture but the letters have silver glitter in them. Anything with glitter is perfect in my book!

KINDNESS

 

PASS IT ON…

It’s a new day

I will wash away the stress of yesterday. I won’t dwell over a lost friendship or untrue words. Today I will remember that *I* have the best marriage, the best husband and the best family. I cannot change how others view me. I cannot change the opinions and conclusions they have come to. I can only be me. As far as I can tell I’m pretty great considering the amazing friendships I do have.

When you enter into a friendship you don’t have much to go on. You become friends with them for one reason or another. Usually, you think you have things in common or you meet at the perfect time in both of your lives where what you need is exactly what the other person has to offer. This is why I say a friendship is not unconditional. You have not taken a vow to love  till death do you part. You didn’t get a chance to get to know everything about the other person before you chose to be their friend. So, once you learn all the inner workings of the other person, all their quirks, faults, and issues you may decide the friendship you have created with that person isn’t what you bargained for. That doesn’t make you a bad person. All people are not ment to mesh so nicely and get along in every way. That’s why you should marry your best friend. You should take that relationship seriously and  know enough about that person to know you will always love them unconditionally no matter the issues that arise. I am thankful I have found that in my own husband. I am thankful that he is everything I will ever need. I am blessed to have a husband that can keep a cool head in the face of fire and defend me through it. Who doesn’t use nasty words to get his point across. That is the man I married. A wonderful, caring, considerate, loving, compassionate man. He is more than most men can ever dream of being. If you knew him you would love him too. If you somehow decided you didn’t like him, it is because you are threatened by him. Which you should be. He makes most of you look like slime balls.

On to my tomorrows with those who still love me for me.

 

Broken

I’m sad. There is no getting around it. I am trying to be strong but no matter the circumstances losing a friend is very hard. I’m angry, hurt, feel betrayed, broken and frustrated. All of those things remind me why this will be for the better in the long run but right now it hurts.

She was my confidant, my best friend, my right hand, my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen, my baby’s nanny, my drinking buddy, my dance partner, my very best friend… And she is gone. So, right now I will cry into my tissue at my desk and when I’m done having my pity party I will go take these dreaded family pictures and move on with my life.

Blog Bashing… Really?

I wasn’t going to acknowledge this low-life piece of shit in a blog but of course it’s eating at me that all my friends will read a one-sided blog by a self-absorbed bastard who doesn’t even know me. I’m sure you know everyone hates you. Everyone always has. If being fake is putting on a happy face around you to benefit my clueless friend who married your psychotic ass, then fine I’m fake. I am so happy to be rid of you.

I wrote a blog earlier about doing things to make myself happy first. This would be one of those things. I am not going to sit back while you bash me with untruthful, fabricated rumors. How pathetic are you? No need to answer. You have shown the world who you really are.

“I was given the responsibility for my own happiness. I was given the mental and physical powers to take care of myself. Responsibility follows control–the person with control over something is the one responsible for it. I was given direct control over my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions, therefore I am the one responsible for my own thoughts, emotions, and actions.”

Do you know what this means? It means we all take responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, emotions and reactions. You can’t blame me, you can only blame yourself. I won’t allow you both to make me feel like shit. I haven’t done anything to deserve the slander you are spewing.

I am so thankful to have friends that see this situation and go, “God, aren’t you glad you can just walk away now?” You have put up with so much and allowed her to manipulate you in every siuation, make you the bad guy always. Won’t it be nice to have natural stress free friendships now? Oh my gosh, yes. Do you know how exhausting it is to always be wrong? To have to explain your point of view on everything just to have it twisted to be your fault afterall?

 I will live a happier life now. I won’t feel the need to explain my every action, friendship, or blog. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. If my husband writes a malicious blog about you, you can be damn sure it’s because I have said things to make him feel the way he does. You’re not innocent.

Damn Car…

Forgot to mention my day really started crappy because my car wouldn’t start this morning! What?! You would think if you drive a nice car that costs more than a pretty penny it would start when you wanted it too! Gosh, stupid thing. Now, I’m angry with it. Robert said I just need a new battery. Apparently he knew the battery was going out. (umm what?) and you didn’t replace it before it died on me? 

Side note… Good news is I got to drive my much-loved Land Rover that I make excuses not to drive because I don’t want to get attached to a car we are going to sell. Hmmm… I’m slowly releasing the tension in my shoulders and feeling better. I have to take family pictures this afternoon and that will just bring more tension. Bleck!

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