It’s funny…

In the past week two friends have written blogs about friendships or lack there of. When I think about my current friendships I get a little depressed. I feel as though the friendships I had growing up were strong and passionate like that of a lover and now they are  dimly lit and weak and they take a lot of work to maintain.

I have a few girlfriends that I would still call my best friends and I would love to spend my holidays with them and call them family. I have a few more that I would call close friends that I wouldn’t mind spending large amounts of time with and find myself missing when they disappear for months at a time but other than that I don’t really have many friends any more.

I think mostly this has been self-inflicted. I don’t waste my time on friends who won’t return the effort. I used to put in a lot of effort into every friendship and make the phone calls and try to spend time with everyone. When I felt as if someone wasn’t making the same amount of effort I just let the friendship fade away. Now, I feel as though I’m not doing enough with the few friends I hold so dear to me. I do have friends over for dinner and I still go to game nights and things like that but am I doing enough? There are a few people I still feel like I could do more to hold up my end of the deal… What more can I do?

One of my greatest friends moved to Alaska. Damn her… Not a whole lot I can do there. I clear my schedule every time she comes to town. Pick her up at the crack of dawn from the air port and drop her off at midnight. I mean come on I am a damn good friend. I make it to every Sunday BBQ or brunch her family throws her and I named her my daughters God Mother. Not that it means a whole lot anymore in today’s society. But a sentimental gesture I’m sure.

That was a side note… I’m getting distracted. What I mean is I think I need to do an inventory of the friends in my life and decide who I really want to keep around. Decide who I find valuable and important to me and my family. I know there are a few who get tossed to the side who really deserve a front and center spot. Then there are those who are just friends of friends and they get invited to things because of that and I really don’t even want them around. They’re just there. Go away, I don’t even like you and you give me bad mojo. Just because my other friends like you or forgave you doesn’t mean I have to. I don’t think you’re a good person and that’s not going to change no matter how much I try to force myself to like you and your geek boyfriend… Sorry another side note.  (I have nothing against geeks BTW) I had to change what I originally wrote in order not to totally give away who I was talking about.

I have a tough task ahead of me trying to figure out where my balance is as a mom and as the Kristen I have always been. I am a new person now and I am a different person now. I have to find the balance there too and it has been frustrating trying to figure it out. I also am struggling with all these feelings of inadequacy with my body being nothing like what I want it to be and hating what I see in the mirror but trying to feel beautiful so I can act like a beautiful woman for my husband and my baby. This will be a wonderful and hard year…


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. katiebuss
    Nov 03, 2010 @ 22:24:26

    I know you did 🙂 I read your website all the time, and especially so when you do have a chance to write something. Mine wasn’t directed at yours, but I sure mean to include you in it!


  2. katiebuss
    Nov 03, 2010 @ 22:25:17

    .. so when you’re going through your friends, you better count me.


  3. Aja
    Nov 16, 2010 @ 11:39:01

    I don’t know that this will help….. I feel those feelings all the time and they are some of the most challenging to deal with. Sometimes its just easier to be a MOM because you don’t have to impress, but then I miss my friends long for some adult fun again (which of course afterwards I feel guilty about), I continue to make an effort with the friends that I truly love like family and let the others fall where they may.

    I guess what I’m saying is it doesn’t get easier, for me at least, but as time goes on the people who understand and appreciate what your going through are the people that ALWAYS will 🙂


  4. Kristen
    Nov 16, 2010 @ 14:42:11

    That does help. You’re right. The people who care enough to appreciate where I am at in my life will always be there for me. I am doing more to make the effort and be there for my friends. More than just FB and web blogging. lol


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