The Holidays…
17 Nov 2011 3 Comments
These are supposed to be happy times, right? Yeah, I think they are. The months of November and December are never overwhelmingly great in my household. It is so hard to share the Holidays with two very different families. I remember growing up and always being with my mom and dad and brother for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We never lived in the same state as either sets of my grandparents so there was no splitting up the day.
I still am not great at cooking and the thought of putting on a Thanksgiving spread for both sides of the family is a gloomy thought. I won’t do it. Not until I have a MUCH bigger house where I can easily escape if I need to get away from the in-laws. It’s a fact that I am not close to them. All the weight jokes while I was pregnant with their one and only grand child was enough to push me away for good. Who does that, really?! I was pregnant! Anyway… Water under the bridge… Or, not exactly. lol
My husband and I fight this time of year every year because I never want to spend my Holidays with his family and it’s not fair if we don’t split it. I know that but I still don’t want to. We fight because the winter is a very slow season for him and he won’t go get a minimum wage job in the mean time because he says that’s not good enough for him when he can easily go get a bartending job. Well, getting a bartending job leads to more fights and many nights where I am a single mom and resenting him for not have a career where we don’t have to worry about things like this. At least he has a job though. That’s what I have to keep reminding myself. At least my husband has a career (even if it isn’t my first choice career) he isn’t sitting at home doing nothing. However, he says he would rather sit at home watching Peyton then go dig a trench for labor ready. I say go support your family in the way that best suits our situation. So… As you can see… We fight a lot this time of year…
I think we should just move away. That would solve my problems of split Holidays. Which I hate! That would solve the career problem. He would have to get a job (not working for his dad) and make his own path. We could afford a much bigger home somewhere far away in the country where I could grow our own veggies and tend to the farm (yeah right!) lol Ahh… just dreaming over here.
I hate the stress of the Holidays. I hate sharing my Holidays with people who I don’t like. I hate the snow on the ground that makes getting to and from work a serious challenge. I hate feeling obligated to buy gifts people will just return or give away. You know who I like buying gifts for? My friends. It’s easy to please someone who doesn’t expect a gift. It’s easy to buy for people who I genuinely love and know lots about so I know how to buy the perfect gift.
I do love the hats, and scarves, and gloves and boots that come along with this season but that’s about it. Oh, and hot chocolate and apple cider. I also love the annual Christmas party I have with my friends. Always themed and always pure entertainment. I will concentrate on that and look forward to my weekend trip with Katie to the city for a girls weekend in some fancy hotel and window shopping on the beautiful Christmas streets of Seattle. Yes, that will be the highlight of this season.
Todays’ ramblings through photos
15 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
We’ll try this again since yesterday WordPress was giving me all sorts of trouble!
That was me this past weekend!!
Yes, please. I’ll take you home.
I’ll be here tonight.
Yuck…
07 Nov 2011 1 Comment
My head hurts. It feels so heavy. My throat is sore and scratchy. My nose is stuffed and dry. I hate being sick. It makes me feel weak. Blech! Time to feel better please!!
The Power Behind Words
02 Nov 2011 1 Comment
In this world we live in it is easy to hide behind a computer screen and say things you would never say in person. It is easy to throw stones at people and never worry about the consequences. I recently read something and I wrote the quote down… “You can’t unsay what I heard.” I don’t remember where I saw it but today I read a blog from a very talented writer and loved the message behind the words. It ties right in with that quote. I know I have written things that have been hurtful to others and healing to me. But, I can’t un-write them. They will always be there, for anyone to read. The same goes for you. Here is a small passage from the blog I read today…
I hope that every time we speak, write a letter, send a text or send an email through cyberspace, we take the time to stop and think….think about how you might feel if you were the recipient of those words. You can’t take them back once they are said….you can apologize, but they are already out there. Read them again, think about the person getting them. Will you feel that way forever, maybe not but those words will be in that persons memory bank and heart forever…..is it worth it. If they are words of kindness and compassion, you and the recipient feel great. If they aren’t happy words, well we know you might feel powerful but the recipient feels less than happy. To quote my Mother “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. We all want the words given to us to be ones of love, compassion, tolerance, understanding and forgiveness. Those are the words that help us, encourage us or just make us smile.
What a strong message that is. Think about how you would feel if the words you are writing were about you. How would you feel if someone else was writing the things you were? I know what it feels like to have horrible things written about you. I know the impression and scars it leaves. I will never forget and likely never forgive the people who wrote terrible things about me for the world to see, for ruining a friendship, and for taking away a huge piece of my happiness. Those words WILL be in my memory bank and heart forever and no matter what happens I won’t forget them. Was it worth it?
I will learn from this smart lady and remember when I feel hatred creeping into my mind and hurt taking over my words to keep them to myself. I hope you will learn the same.
Halloween!!!
01 Nov 2011 1 Comment
Halloween was so great! We had a fantastic weekend celebrating Halloween with great friends and yesterday Peyton had a great time with her first year of trick or treating!
We went to our first children’s Halloween party for Peyton and we had a great time! All the kids were dressed in great, creative costumes and they played games, whacked a Piñata and ate yummy treats! Peyton was one of the younger kids so we hung out in a separate room with the other small kids. It was great to meet new friends! Peyton was a cow 
Yesterday we went trick or treating with Peyton’s nanny and her kids. It was so perfect! Peyton got the hang of it quickly. She knocked on doors and held out her bag for candy. SHe held hands with the other kids and walked from house to house. My baby is growing up so fast! Last night she was a zebra. The cutest zebra ever!
Peyton's First Piece of Candy
I’m hurting for you
24 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
I wish this wasn’t happening. I wish life was easier. I wish life was the way it seemed. I wish you could have everything you ever dreamed of… You deserve it. I wish you could talk to him. I wish you knew how wonderful you are. I wish you were not hurting and I wish more than anything that I could take away your pain. I love you.
YoU aRe LoVeD
20 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
I follow Gala Darling’s blog daily and she always has really great insight. I enjoy her photos and the perspective she writes from. Today she posted about “good people” which reminded me of my own feelings sometimes. As much as I try to be a part of a “group of girls” we are all very different and I do better one on one with my friends too.
I love this:
“Ultimately, you never really know who’s going to stick around, & who’s going to slink out of your life. All you can do is show your appreciation for the ones who are in your orbit, & send out your love to the people who aren’t with you any longer. As much as it hurts, sometimes friendships don’t last forever… But do they all need to? You can learn just as much from someone you’ve known a month as someone you’ve known for over a decade.”
And I really love this:
“My point is this: if you’re feeling unloved, you are so much more adored than you know. You’re adored by people from your past, people in your present, & people you have yet to meet. You are loved. I promise.”
Say Hello to My Favorite Person…
18 Oct 2011 2 Comments
Well, except my husband and my daughter but you know that goes without saying!
Things I Love about Katie…
I love this picture of her!
I love the dorky Katie that never comes out in public but you can read it in her blogs and see it in her self portraits.
I love the girl that emails me every day and always makes me feel loved.
I love that she doesn’t sugar coat anything and tells me how it is.
I love her baking. Seriously all of it.
I love that she is genuine. 100% real! I heart her.
I love that she has a blog I can follow and learn more about her every day.
I love that she loves me… Finally. It took a lot of work people!
I love that she is my best friend.
I love that we have so much in common. Aside from our taste in movies I can’t think of anything we don’t have in common.
I love her big huge heart that she wears on her sleeve.
I love who she is and who she wants to be.
I love that she moved so close to me. I can stop by whenever I feel like it!
I love her loyalty.
I love her! Everything about her. I could go on and on. But, let me assure you if you don’t know her you are seriously missing out on a gem!
Old Friends
18 Oct 2011 1 Comment
Recently I was asked point-blank if I would be someones friend again. That surprisingly was not an easy question. It was awkward and confusing. After everything we had been through together. All the hurt and anger that had passed between us. The horrible lies and rumors and heartbreak that we shared. All of that was over shadowed by the simple fact that this person wanted me in their life again. How is it that the people you love the most in life are always the ones to cut the deepest?
I am struggling with my heart and my head. I know on the surface it seems ridiculous to invite someone back into your life who has done more damage than good. But the good was SO good. The bad was also so bad though. We have grown up and changed and hopefully for the better. But, I can’t handle another crazy person in my life. I have had too many crazy friends who require too much effort to handle on a daily basis. I just want a normal best friend. Someone who loves me for me and doesn’t require me to “support” them in the way they feel necessary. i.e. lie to them about their general character. I am taking a leap of faith here and giving an old friend another chance. Someone I once loved very dearly. Wish my luck. I’ll take it slow, you can be sure of that.
Isn’t it funny when shit goes down you swear you will never be friends with that person again? Now here we are… I wonder what the future will hold.
