I may just stop.
07 Dec 2011 3 Comments
I’m tired of writing and choosing my words carefully. I’m tired of not being able to be myself on “MY” blog because I don’t want to offend anyone past or present or cause anyone to say, “Is she writing about me”?
I don’t want to be writing for anyone but myself. I know you may say, so write for yourself and who cares what anyone thinks. I care. Because I don’t want to intentionally be cruel to anyone or make them feel less than perfect. No matter how strong and confident someone seems on the outside we all have our insecurities. I have had a wonderful and rough year. I have written about things and alluded to things but every time I do I see some sort of rebuttal. I’m tired of it.
I wrote a blog yesterday just wanting opinions from others on the subject. But, only my friends read this and I wasn’t going to get the feed back I was interested in. So, I deleted it. I deleted it because it made people uncomfortable. That’s not why I am here. I don’t know why I am here. lol I should just keep a journal. Maybe that’s what I will do.
I’m ready for the new year. A new start and new traditions.
P.S.
05 Dec 2011 1 Comment
I had the best weekend! I am full of Holiday cheer and optimistic ideas about how the Holiday’s will go. My optimism may be short-lived but for today, I am optimistic!
I had a girls night in Seattle Friday night. Staying in a fancy hotel with two of your best friends and shopping till you can’t walk another block is definitely my idea of fun! We had coffee with peppermint schnaps and walked the beautiful streets of Seattle decked out in Christmas lights. Westlake Center had a caroling competition going on Friday night so we got to be a part of that frenzy. Before we knew it we had missed the window for dinner and ended up having a very late Cheesecake Factory dinner (yum!) then walked back to the hotel for some rest. We woke up early Saturday morning and did a shopping marathon anyone would be proud of. I bought most of my hubby’s stocking stuffers and a few other gifts. We had a late lunch at the Pike Place Brewery and walked Pike Place. I love Seattle! Add in two of the most generous, uniquely different, kind, fabulous women I know and it made for the perfect weekend!
Sunday I put up our Christmas tree and got it all decorated. Decked the whole house out in Holiday wonderfulness and then finally rested.
Plus, on top of all of that I got to see my niece both Saturday and Sunday! I wonder if they will get tired of me coming over? lol I love that little baby girl!
Such a fantastic weekend. I’m making my own Christmas traditions. This was the first of our annual girls weekend in Seattle. I already can’t wait for next year!
Stronger
01 Dec 2011 1 Comment
I am stronger than you. I am stronger than most. I always have been. Perhaps that is my downfall. Maybe that’s why it seems like I don’t need support. Maybe that is why I deal with my problems on my own and find solutions without much difficulty. Maybe being strong gives the message that I don’t need you. This is not true. Just because I am strong and don’t cry out for help does not mean I don’t need the reassurance that you are there if I should need you.
In many instances I have found that the weak are coddled and enabled to continue being weak. They are treated like children and constantly reassured that they are great. You are not great. You are weak. I have seen this in the professional environment as well as on a personal level. The person who can’t function without the help of drugs, therapy and a huge support system is given many opportunities when the strong person who functions fine every day by themselves is seen as dispensable because they will land on their feet. This is so backwards to me. The strong person should be rewarded for being so.
I will always be stronger than you. That is who I am. I don’t need a daily phone call from an encouraging friend to keep me going every day. I love life enough to keep going on my own. I will never understand the weak and the afraid. You make your own destiny and I am creating a wonderful destiny.
Winter Blues
30 Nov 2011 2 Comments
I am so tired of being sick. I’m usually so healthy and don’t get sick much. I feel like I have been sick for a month now. My poor hubby has been sick for 2+ months and my baby has been sick with different things for a few months too. I’m ready for winter to be over and for all the germs to crawl back in their hybernation holes.
I am ready to feel better in general. I am so tired of my brain working on overdrive and playing games with me. I just want to not give a fuck really. I want to be able to tell people how I really feel about them and not come across as a bitch because really, who am I to tell someone all of their character flaws? But, on the other hand wouldn’t you want to know if everyone thought you were a bitch or that you treated your husband/boyfriend like dirt? I guess not. Most people don’t want to look in the mirror and accept those ideas about themselves. So, we all go on pretending like we are great friends and secretly think these thoughts about each other because it is politically incorrect to tell someone you think they need to work on their personality. We all go on ignoring the huge elephant in the room because no one has the guts to just move past it or resolve it.
Here is some good news. I’m an aunt. A very happy, proud, and loved aunt. My niece was born November 27th and she is so perfect. See for yourself!
Hilarious!!!
29 Nov 2011 2 Comments
I found this on WP’s front page today…
Please describe yourself in the most annoying way possible.
So I was on a friend’s Facebook profile and I saw what I think is the most redundant, stupid and completely idiotic way to describe your self. “I love to laugh!”
Well who the hell doesn’t love to laugh? Really?
“I tried it one time and I almost puked…” “Laughing? no thanks, I only do that when I’m depressed.” “I prefer not to laugh, it only makes me want to hurt children.”
So on that note, here are the worst ways people describe themselves…. All of them stupid. They are pretty common and you might have seen them on internet dating or other social media websites. Enjoy.
1. “What you see is what you get”
If I were to see a chair, or a bicycle I think this phrase applies. It doesn’t take much thought to use either one. What you’re really implying, is that you have no excuse for your bad attitude so its take it or leave it. I’ll stick with the bicycle.
2. “Just a regular guy/gal here”
So that’s the best you could do? Making yourself completely devoid of personality? I think what you’re really saying is, “Just a regular person without any rainbows or puppies in my life, I like watching TV and stuff. I like to do things, and watch people doing things.” If you don’t have a personality that’s fine, just admit it.
3. “I speak my mind so deal with it.”
I think what you really meant to say here is, “my opinion comes at random times inconveniencing everyone around me, regardless of whether it was asked or not.” You know what my mom said? “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all.” You should probably look into having some kind of inner monologue.
4. “I’m so ugly”
When I read this as a caption on Facebook all it really says is, “hey everyone, I’m fishing for compliments!” I swear on all that is holy, if I ever see one of these posts again on Facebook I’ll just reply with a “Yes…. yes you are.”
5. “I don’t like drama”
BIG RED FLAG goes up the pole, a loud siren sounds and your brain tells you to run as far away from this person as possible.
6. “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”
Its ok, not everyone gets to go to college. If I ever hear this phrase again, I’ll simply ask if they are sesame street smart. these phrases also apply: I went to the school of hard knocks, I went to the university of life. All are very cliche and what you’re really saying is that you spent all of your life making mistakes and paying for them.
I’m done writing on this topic it makes me hate people, and I hate doing that.
I thought the whole article was funny but you know what stood out… This….
5. “I don’t like drama”
BIG RED FLAG goes up the pole, a loud siren sounds and your brain tells you to run as far away from this person as possible.
You know why? Because I know these people. They say how much they hate drama constantly, but do they realize they are always the ones creating it?! No. Because they are narsasstic crazy people and they can’t see any of their flaws. Oh the irony in this.
I wish…
29 Nov 2011 2 Comments
For world peace.. Seriously.
For the end of world hunger.
For the government to sort out this debt they have got us into.
For my daughter to live a wonderful, healthy life.
That I could get through to you.
I didn’t have so much anger in my heart.
My husband would be nicer when we fight.
I could afford to get all my closest friends what they really want for Christmas.
I didn’t have to have awkward conversations with friends significant others about inappropriate texting.
My daughter would cooperate more for family pictures.
My sister-in-law did not have to have a C-Section.
I had all the answers.
We could take a family vacation.
We could move… Away or down the street. Doesn’t matter.
I could take away the troubles of those I love.
Friendships weren’t so complicated.
I had more patience.
The world was a nicer place.
That my daughter never has to face the cruelty of other children.
That forgiveness was really as easy as Jesus would have you believe.
That I could budget my money better.
For more nights like Saturday night where my friends are all together having the time of our lives.
I could adopt every lonely dog in the world and every orphaned child.
Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish.
A Time to be Thankful!
23 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
Although the Holidays are no longer my favorite time of year I still remember what they are supposed to be about. On this Thanksgiving weekend I will reflect on what I am thankful for.
- My wonderful husband. I really could do no better. He is so amazing.
- My daughter. Who although frustrates me daily is the light of my life and the reason I keep going.
- My job. I really have a great job and an amazing boss.
- My family. I have loving, supportive, generous parents and a brother I am getting closer and closer with. I am lucky!
- My home. I complain a lot about the size of our home but I know I am blessed to own a home. I am thankful that we have a roof over our head and a heater to keep warm.
- My wonderful group of friends. I have learned what friendship is in my eyes and the kinds of people I want to surround myself with. It has been 27 years in the making but I have finally realized that I have control over who I share my life with. I get to choose what type of people I want to keep in my life and I have never been happier.
- My dogs. Annoying, loving, cuddly creatures. I can’t imagine life without them… All three of them! They make me so happy… Most of the time. lol
- My health. I have great health. And if it ever failed me I have great health insurance. Thank you!
- Coffee. I love you coffee. You make my days easier!
- Teachers. Underpaid, over-worked, underappreciated and amazing. Thank you to the teachers of America who are helping to shape the next generation.
- And much, much more. I am thankful for so many things these days. I hope you all are too.
The Holidays…
17 Nov 2011 3 Comments
These are supposed to be happy times, right? Yeah, I think they are. The months of November and December are never overwhelmingly great in my household. It is so hard to share the Holidays with two very different families. I remember growing up and always being with my mom and dad and brother for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We never lived in the same state as either sets of my grandparents so there was no splitting up the day.
I still am not great at cooking and the thought of putting on a Thanksgiving spread for both sides of the family is a gloomy thought. I won’t do it. Not until I have a MUCH bigger house where I can easily escape if I need to get away from the in-laws. It’s a fact that I am not close to them. All the weight jokes while I was pregnant with their one and only grand child was enough to push me away for good. Who does that, really?! I was pregnant! Anyway… Water under the bridge… Or, not exactly. lol
My husband and I fight this time of year every year because I never want to spend my Holidays with his family and it’s not fair if we don’t split it. I know that but I still don’t want to. We fight because the winter is a very slow season for him and he won’t go get a minimum wage job in the mean time because he says that’s not good enough for him when he can easily go get a bartending job. Well, getting a bartending job leads to more fights and many nights where I am a single mom and resenting him for not have a career where we don’t have to worry about things like this. At least he has a job though. That’s what I have to keep reminding myself. At least my husband has a career (even if it isn’t my first choice career) he isn’t sitting at home doing nothing. However, he says he would rather sit at home watching Peyton then go dig a trench for labor ready. I say go support your family in the way that best suits our situation. So… As you can see… We fight a lot this time of year…
I think we should just move away. That would solve my problems of split Holidays. Which I hate! That would solve the career problem. He would have to get a job (not working for his dad) and make his own path. We could afford a much bigger home somewhere far away in the country where I could grow our own veggies and tend to the farm (yeah right!) lol Ahh… just dreaming over here.
I hate the stress of the Holidays. I hate sharing my Holidays with people who I don’t like. I hate the snow on the ground that makes getting to and from work a serious challenge. I hate feeling obligated to buy gifts people will just return or give away. You know who I like buying gifts for? My friends. It’s easy to please someone who doesn’t expect a gift. It’s easy to buy for people who I genuinely love and know lots about so I know how to buy the perfect gift.
I do love the hats, and scarves, and gloves and boots that come along with this season but that’s about it. Oh, and hot chocolate and apple cider. I also love the annual Christmas party I have with my friends. Always themed and always pure entertainment. I will concentrate on that and look forward to my weekend trip with Katie to the city for a girls weekend in some fancy hotel and window shopping on the beautiful Christmas streets of Seattle. Yes, that will be the highlight of this season.
